Dustin Interviews Charlotte

As James mentioned in the original blog HERE, writing these interviews for people you're close to poses an interesting challenge.

I,Dustin, have tried to ask questions that the average reader might ask. That is, the average reader who knows Charlotte only from her blog. Also, as is the point with this thing, the questions tend to be personal, and often require an abnormal level of honesty.
Alright, without further adeu:

1) You're experienced in the marriage department, but the man you're currently living with is not your husband. Do you intend on getting married to Larry at some point in the future? Either way, what benefits do you think you'll gain as a result of your decision?

Experienced. Ha!! That’s just funny. I’m experienced like Elizabeth Taylor. Lol.

Larry and I have discussed marriage (recently) and the impression I got from him is that he never wants to get married. Of course.. I have to say the same because we can't get married without his involvement. *laughing*
I would like to believe that in the future we would become husband and wife, but right now we're still feeling each other out (not up... pervs) and strengthening our bond. I have alot of emotional scars to sand down.. move past. That takes time.
Benefits? The only real benefit (to being married) would be survivor benefits. Hey, it’s true. Or maybe on an emotional level just being able to say "This is my husband.. yes this fine piece of ass loved me enough to marry me bitches! Now back the fuck off" .. Lol. The benefit (if you can call it that) to not being married is if either one of us wakes up one day and despises the other person, or if one of us cheats (see guys.. I didn't say if "he" cheats), etc we don't have to go through the divorce process. But in reality.. the emotional departure would be just as hard. So.. maybe there isn't a "benefit" per se.
(Note: after re-reading that I realize that there are no real benefits to a relationship by simply living together forever.. although I do stand firm in my opinion and decision to live together first.. and now... and for awhile .. if for nothing more than some time to get my shit together mentally.)

2) You've said before that if your relationship with Larry doesn't work out, you're done with men forever. Does this mean you'd spend the rest of your life alone, or would you consider turning to the other side of the force? If so, what would you consider the benefits of being with a woman as opposed to a man?

Since it's fairly known that I fell off the fence a couple times this should not come as a shock to anyone.. but if ANYONE tells my Mama.. I'ma kick your ass.
I don't like being completely alone, so that's not an option. However, I would probably live alone if things didn't work out. Or with Theresa when/if she leaves Jason. Lmao!! J/K.. It's a joke dammit. lol

I don't know if I could seriously date another woman only because she'd be all emotional, and needy and stuff and I'm not that way and can't stand that. I'm the type of girl that when sex is over needs a shower, a smoke, a drink and to get up and do something. There is no coddling, or cuddling.. a couple kisses, well placed pats of my hand, and on to the next thing. Most girls find that barbaric... beastly even. So I don't know that I could have a "relationship" with a woman. Now.. if a girl happened past that was my type.. we'd have to discuss it. Lol. Am I worried about what the world would think if I were gay? Yeah a little, but I've been put down all my life for either my looks, my weight, my name.. something.. so I'm not a newbie to hatred/discrimination. Benefits? I think that sometimes it would be easier to understand me during PMS week if you go through it yourself. My friends just ignore me, or eg me on, or tell me to shut the hell up. Men take it personal. its not personal.. it's hormonal. Lol.

3) Having grown up a repressed southern baptist girl in an east Tennessee hick town, you've got quite a religious background. What are your current key beliefs about God, morals, and spirituality, and are you content with your spiritual status?

Ah, and here we get into the grunt of things. I love that you used the word Repressed. :)
For clarification, I actually grew up a repressed, southern baptist girl in a Northwestern part of North Carolina (-aka- hickville) where racisim, abuse, white trashness and neglect were just a way of life. Then I moved to a small NE part of TN where it was not only a way of life, it was rampant.
What are my current beliefs? It's interesting that you ask that. Not even 5 years ago you would have gotten a totally different answer from me. But it's funny how life comes at you ... comes for you sometimes... and makes you re-think things that you eagerly believed before.
Let's just say... 3 years ago ...I woke up and had an epiphany. I realized that just because my Mom told me that nothing was better than blue bonnet butter didn't mean that was true. So I tried something else. It was yummy. Had I only went with what I was taught, I wouldn’t know that Parkay is good butter also.
It’s very hard for me to explain how I feel to someone who doesn’t have an open mind. If you think that we should just have undying, unceasing faith in God (whoever that god is to you) regardless of what we might think on our own accord.. you don’t get me. Once upon a time you could not have convinced me to sit down and really think about religion, and what it means to me, and what my life is like with it.
Well I did do that. I realized that a lot of the information in my head I didn’t put there… therefore it couldn’t be trusted. And I’m not just talking about religion folks. We are born not knowing anything. We are sculpted by our parents, teachers, friends, government and we never second guess the information that they’re giving us. Well.. .one day I did. And was astonished at what I’ve found out since then.
I, Charlotte Irene Tinker, think of my own accord regardless of what’s on television, what I learned in bible school, what useless trash my parents taught me, or what my friends (prior and current) try to get me to believe. I might still believe some of the stuff…. (it’s why I’m still a Republican) … but it’s my “choice” to believe it.. not because it was stored in my head like some damn microsoft program. My beliefs are just that.. mine. I am as entitled to them as everyone else is entitled to theirs. And I don’t look down on, or belittle, or talk bad about people who’s beliefs are different than mine. They could be right and I could be wrong for all we know. (Because folks.. We don’t know. No.. we don’t.)
Once upon a lifetime ago, I had unwavering faith in God the father, Jesus the son, Church the place to worship, and Sunday the Sabbath. Not so much anymore. I have my reasons, but those are mine to know and work through and not anyone’s to judge me by.
I’m pretty lucky that my closest buds all understand that just because we’re different (religious beliefs, sexual preference, skin color) doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.
Am I content with my spirituality? At the moment.. I don’t know. I’m still working on some things.

4) The company you work for is about to ship your job off to Texas and India. How does this make you feel? What do you intend on doing to support yourself after the closure?

I’ma be a hooker. Lmao.

On a serious note... It pisses me off because I totally HATE job interviews, and having to meet new people, and find out who the backstabbers are (usually the hard way) and drive all over town wasting gas trying to find the damn places, etc. I always feel like I’m up for auction on a job interview. I never feel adequate enough. Yes.. I’m very insecure dammit.. shuddup.
I really don’t know what I’m going to do. My preference? To go spend a month in FL on vacation and clear my head. But if anyone wants to read my resume' and help me find a good (paying) job.. email me: mstinker@gmail.com No, Seriously...

5) Explain who the young woman in the picture below is. Whom did she love? What was she scared of? Where did she think she'd be in 2006? Would she be happy with where she's been and who she's become?

Wow.. it has been a while since I seen that picture… She loved Darin in that picture. He actually took that picture. I was a size 11 and thought I was fat and ugly. But we’d been together … let’s see.. 3 years at that point I think. Yeah, Darin Wallace. My first ex-husband. Lol. I did love him. No matter what happened later on.. he was my life. I’d have given that man a brain transplant had he needed it. Lol. Although he was much smarter than me so he probably wouldn’t have taken it. Lol. For years and years I hated myself for letting that marriage go to shit.. and totally blamed myself. Although I was mostly to blame.. it's a partnership and he wasn't very supportive, or understanding. But.. in the event he ever runs across this blog (doubtful).. Darin.. I'm sorry. I've waited 14 years to say that.

Scared of? Everything. Being loved. Being lost. Not being included. God. Not being good enough. (Wow.. I haven’t made much progress in the last 16 years have I? ) It took me another 3 years to realize he was just reinforcing those fears, not helping me to get past them. Thus far.. no man has. I would think it a daunting task.
In 2006? I didn’t even think that far in advance. Seriously. I believed that God would come get me before I started getting old. Where’d I get that crazy idea you ask? Church. Revelations.
Would she be happy with where she’s been? Oh hell no. She’d probably scratch my eyes out. “WTF were you thinking?”
Would she be happy who she’s become? No. I think she’d be very disappointed.
I’m one of those types of people who let(s) life mold them. I’ve spent the last year trying to change that, but it took me 34 years to get that way, so it’ll take a bit to get out of it.
Will she be happy who she’s become in 5 more years? I sincerely hope so.
I hope to be a better human/person, employee/boss, buddy/best friend, girlfriend/wife, woman and it may be that some folks, or lifestyles, or jobs will have to be let go of to achieve that.. but that’s my goal.

And now the rules:

The Official Interview Games Rules:
1) If you want to participate, leave me a comment below saying, "interview me".
2) I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3) You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4) You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5) When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.